BURGER DAY

26 Beach Cafe, 10.9.09

I’m gonna try something here, because…well, I’m a lazy cunt.  Bullet points AS REVIEW.  let me know if you like it:

• asked the waitress which burger I should have.  she said the kobe burger was the most representative of the restaurant.
• it was mediocre. the patty wasn’t particularly flavorful, and the rest of the ingredients were bland. nothing was particularly interesting, plain tomatoes, plain onions, decent bacon.
• nick got a burger that was fairly standard, but w/a fried egg. he also had them add bbq sauce. he gave that burger an A.
• service was solid
• placed felt a bit chintzy.

GRADE: B-

(Would you vote for this man?)

25 Degrees, 8.31.09

25 Degrees and myself have a sordid history.

Well, to be clear, every time I go into that place, it’s goddamned drama.  The service is uniformly terrible, and there’s at least a 74% chance they will get my order wrong.

One time, aw man, one time they fucked up a grilled cheese sandwich.

Grilled cheese, dawg.  It came out carmelized.  Can you carmelize cheese? I dunno, but it was brown and hard and burnt beyond all recognition.

But this is about their burger, which is not as horrible as everything else.

Like The Counter, 25 Degrees has a do-it-yourself menu, allowing you to mix & match ingredients.

I’m on the fence about this whole idea. Sometimes, yeah, it’s fun. But I think at this point I want the chef to tell me what’s best.  I’m some schmuck with a blog, he’s the one trained to make excellent food.

Presumably.

I keep it simple when faced with such menus. That mitigated the pain only slightly.

The meat was juicy, as I’d ordered it medium rare, but remarkably, lacked flavor.  The sharp cheddar wasn’t sharp.  The bun was decent, but the bacon I’d ordered was burnt.

I did like the sweet potato fries and the vanilla malt, and this particular time the wait staff was merely disinterested, vs. drenched in hipster ennui.

Nick & I spent the meal discussing what’s wrong w/America (he’s British, see) and concluded: everything.

At which point Nick thought it would be a good idea if he became president.

Which, really, not such a bad idea. Or maybe I was just drunk on vanilla malt.

GRADE: C

(Salad as the side for a burger? Inconceivable!!!)

Capitol City Grille, 9.20.09

I’ve gotta cut this place a bit of slack, it was only their second day, they were obviously working a lot of the kinks out, and I heard, after eating my burger, that their food the night before was even worse.

That said, the burger was very much not good.  The meat was bland, the bun dry, I asked for grilled onions so they gave them to me..ON TOP of the regular chopped onions.

The lettuce was shredded, which I think was done mainly to hide how old it was.

Also, it was all served open faced, with the patty halfway off the bottom bun.  C’mon, I need a fork to get my burger all in once piece? Really?

The wait staff was nice if inexperienced, the dessert, a big warm cookie w/ice cream, was decent, and the tvs were gigantic.

Place is a sports bar, see.  Which, in addition to the other awesome aspects, meant it was filled with douche bags.  Yay!

And just fyi, every other dish ordered by my group was judged sub par.

Maybe I’ll try it again. In 3 years.

Grade: D (Because it wasn’t nearly as bad as Hamburger Hamlet)

(Katie, minutes before tearing right into…a salad??!)

Hamburger Hamlet, 8.28.09

After we had ourselves a shoot up in the woods above Beverly Hills, Katie and I found that we were both hungry.

And, as I’d spied The Hamlet on our way to the shoot, it only made sense to stop there.

The Hamlet’s been at the top of my “list of burger places to go to” since I started this here project. Because, see, me and The Hamlet? We got history.

When I was a kid, my dad would take me there almost every weekend for a good year, because he worked in the building above the old Hollywood location.  He loved their chocolate cake, called it suicide cake.

Which, thinking on it now, little weird, dad.

Also, my uncle, who, in his youth waited tables at pretty much every restaurant in this fine town, worked there.  Uncle at Hamburger Hamlet = FREE BURGERS.

So that was cool.

But that was decades ago.

So Katie and I walked in, had ourselves some burgers.

Well, I had burgers.  She had some giant salad, because her body’s a temple and she’s an actress and spin coach and obviously does not know what life is all about.

It’s about burgers, see.

But not the Hamburger Hamlet burger, of which I had two wee sliders, the better to maximize my tasting options.   Their signature burger? oof.  Lemme explain. TIME FOR BULLET POINTS!!!

• bland patty
• undercooked cheese
• plain vegetables (tomato, onion)
• thousand island dressing too mild (mild how? it was pale ketchup, man. wow.)
• bun unremarkable

Now, their Hickory burger was slightly better, mainly because it was slathered in hickory sauce, and you have to be that deaf/dumb/blind kid Tommy from….well, Tommy to mess that up.

BUT.  The service? Excellent.  That waiter was a goddamned master of his craft.  And the chocolate cake? Well, didn’t want to make me kill myself, but I did take the leftover home and nosh on it for several more days.

GRADE: D

(They do know how to amazingly decorated a latte)

Blujam 9.13.09

To put it plainly, I’m on a different level now, folks.  Mine palette has tasted some of the best burgers in town, so at this point? Nothing but the best will impress.

Blujam tried to impress me with a big patty and a huge fluffy bun.  Bush league. It takes more than a little razzle dazzle to get me.

Where it counted, the actual taste, is where they…well, they didn’t fall down, but they didn’t stand tall, either. The meat was a bit bland, the onions were tasty, the cheese unremarkable.

The burger was just sustenance, really.  Not a single thing memorable about it.  And that, my friends, is not nearly enough.

GRADE: C

(They’ve got shiny silverware!)

8oz Burger Bar, 9.17.09

After eating here last night, I’ve figured out what makes a great burger.  It’s not just a great patty, or excellent condiments, or some strange special ingredient.

It’s every component of the burger working in concert, creating a combined taste that is greater than the sum of its parts.

I figured this out because the 8oz burger bar’s burger did not do this. Their patty was delicious, a blend of “sirloin, tri-tip, short rib and chuck cured in our himalayan salt locker”. Now I don’t know how a himalayan salt locker comes into play, here, but it sure didn’t hurt.

Unfortunately, that was really the only stand-out part of the burger.  The lettuce, the pickles, the tomatoes, the bun, all were decent.  Standard.  None of those elements took away from the meat, but they didn’t help the taste along, either.

The great burgers I’ve had so far, The Foundry’s burger, Father’s Office’s burger, those were burgers where each piece was given the same excellent amount of care.  Where the overall taste was factored using each element as a necessary part of the equation.

It’s a complex culinary arithmetic, but it’s what’s required for such a dish.

8oz burger bar, while their menu was solid, their service excellent, their waitress saucy and fun, should really put a bit more effort into creating a Fine Burger, not just a fine patty.

And don’t give me the “put they let you choose what kind of cheese, and what kind of sauce and what kind of whatever you want on your burger” retort.  I want not buffet freedom.  I want a chef to give me a dish saying “This.  This is what I have created.  It is perfect as it is.  I know better than you.  Do not substitute. Eat.”

Grade: B-

(Nick, not at Father’s Office)

Father’s Office, 8.21.09

This is the spot I’d been trying to hit for months.  So damned crowded all the time, just too fucking popular.

But it had been widely reported to me as having the best burger in town, so it was a must.

Even though I’d heard complaints about the fact that you couldn’t make any substitutions, or that there was no system to get seating, or that you had to order all food at the bar.

Or that it was often full of douche bags.

Nick & I went during lunch, so seating was a breeze.  We didn’t mind the rigidity of the menu or the fact that we had to order at the bar, either.

I was a bit put out by the fact that they don’t serve ketchup.  Oh, they serve fries, sure, but no ketchup.

I hate fancy fucking places like that.  You give me fries, you better sure as shit give me ketchup.  Just ridiculous.

The burger, on the other hand, was not ridiculous.  It was amazing.  The beef was perfectly cooked, the bleu cheese (which is a tricky item, can easily overpower a burger) was melted, thus better balancing out the taste.  Carmelized onions, whose sweet taste helped to balance out the bleu cheese…really all the flavors were quite complimentary.  It was served on a french roll, cut in half.

Ooh, and though this doesn’t get graded, they served root beer in a bottle.  I quite liked that.

Nick dug it, too. He was fine w/not having ketchup, as he’s from England, and they’re, apparently, a bunch of mayo-loving savages.

Now, was it better than The Foundry, that is the question. I was very impressed with this burger, I was half-expecting it to be all hype, but no.  This was a damn fine burger.

BUT.  The Foundry’s burger is just a cut above.  The patty is better seasoned, the choice of hawaiian sweet bread as a bun definitely outshines the french roll, and Foundry’s use of tomatoes is far superior.  It’s quite close, but it is a clear choice.  That said, bravo to Father’s Office.  Amazing burger.

GRADE: A+

(Laura, right before we went into FRED 62, 8.16.09)

It’s almost unfair, because I ate at Fred 62 only a few days after having the amazing burger at The Foundry.

But I am dedicated to being objective, and so did my best not to let that previous burger influence by opinion of the burger I was currently eating.

All that said, the burger was mediocre.  The thousand island dressing was tasty, and the meat decent, but the bun was a bit dry, the onions so plentiful as to be overpowering, and the cheese merely serviceable.

What I do like about Fred 62 is that they offer both a regular burger and a small version, for those “I want a small burger” moods.

I know you have them.

Grade: B-

(Rob at THE FOUNDRY, 8.13.09, making a face for who knows why)

I’m at the point now where I have exhausted the burger joints that are “good” or “pretty good”.  I have no reached the point in my burger joint list where I am only eating burgers that have been described as “the best” or “excellent.”

And thus I arrived at The Foundry.

I think The Foundry is still a fairly new restaurant, because my buddy Rob and I got that extra-attentive care that seems to only be found in places that are just starting out.  Everybody said hi to us.  A bit much, but better too nice than not nice enough.

The burger arrived on one of those fancy square plates I’ve seen a lot of during my quest, alongside 3 tiny square plates of condiments. 

Adorable.  There was a dollop of mayo, a hawaiian chutney and a grilled onion…mix?

Look, I am old, and have a shitty memory for details.  It was grilled onions, kinda.

The burger itself had some fancy tomatoes, cheddar cheese and used Hawaiian sweet bread for a bun, which was initially worrying.

Why? I hate soggy buns.  Makes it damned near impossible to eat a burger when the bun is disintegrating between your fingers. 

But the bun held! I used only the onions on the burger, kept it simple. 

And I gotta tell you, I was expecting to be slightly disappointed, I’d heard some fine things about this place, but I’ve heard fine things about a lot of places, lately, and they usually do not live up to the hype.

The Foundry burger did.  Ever so crispy on the outside, the burger itself was perfect. 

Perfect, I tell ya.  The meat was amazingly cooked, incredibly flavorful.  All of the components of the burger worked in concert, no one part overwhelming the other. 

A SYMPHONY OF TASTE IN MY MOUTH!!!!!

Burger was so good, it soured the next burger I ate, a few days later.

As if that wasn’t enough, Rob and I decided to do it up, get some dessert. 

WHICH WAS ALSO DELICIOUS!!! Strawberry shortcake, served w/roasted strawberries.  Fantastic. 

Also, the portions were excellently dolled out.  The burger didn’t try to dazzle with size, but rather let the taste do all the work.

The shortcake looked too fancy, but nope, awesome.

Oh, Rob wanted it noted that he got the salmon, which was a bit undercooked.  And Rob likes salmon a lot, so he knows what he’s talking about.

Fortunately, I do not grade on other dishes, so for The Foundry:

GRADE: A+

(Me, by Leiana Miller, 7.17.09)

Burger Day: Comme Ça

I’ve been meaning to try this place pretty much since the beginning of my Burger Day adventure. It’s been spoken of many a time as the best burger in the city, I’ve seen the head chef interviewed, about burgers, by the New York Times, the place is a big deal.

So finally, for lunch with my oldest friend (our mothers have known each other since grade school, so technically we have been friends longer than we’ve even been alive), we hit the place.

HIT IT HARD. I skipped breakfast for this, man.  Barely even sipped any water.

So we get there, the place is wicked fancy, this ain’t no “burger joint”. This is a restaurant, though I couldn’t actually tell you what kind of cuisine they serve, I just hunted down the burger on the menu and left it at that.

My friend, she had the steak tartar, so they serve that.  It was fancy.  Yes.

The burger, it was also fancy.  Apparently the current trend is to make burgers that are so patty big you can barely fit them into your mouth.

This is silly.  Do they think me some dilettante, that I would be scared away by a burger’s sheer size?

Ha.  Ha, I say.  “How do you eat that thing?” My friend asked.

“With my mouth.”

AW YEAH.

They put on a wee bit too many onions.  It’s 2 hours later, I can still taste ‘em.  But once I scraped a few off, we had ourselves a fine burger.  Excellent meat, cooked exactly as I’d ordered.

It’s a simple burger, cheese, onions, a light mayo-type dressing, letttuce.  I respect that.  They didn’t try to dazzle me with arcane ingredients, or trick me by using an overpowering cheese.  Just a straight classy burger.

And it was quite good.  Hit the spot, definitely no room left in the stomach.

Best burger in LA? Nah.  It’s solid, no doubt.  But there was nothing special in the taste, nothing that stood out.  Just a damned good burger. Which is a mean feat, these days.

Grade: A-